


The Second Time Around

by Carleen



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Mass Effect 3, Romance, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 14:10:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/837767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carleen/pseuds/Carleen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty years after the Battle for Earth. Time for children to grow up. Time to meet new people and reconnect with old friends. An easy transition? Is it ever? FemShep and James Vega pairing.  Many thanks to Black_Berry on deviant art for permission to use the description of her beautiful turian/human, "Preya" for my story. Please take a look at her artwork at http://blackby.deviantart.com/art/Preya-the-turian-human-child-298912557</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just as Wonderful With Both Feet on the Ground

The Admiral stepped out of the ground car to the flash of vidcams buzzing around her face like a swarm of angry bees. Twenty years and they still wanted a piece of her. Determined to maintain her composure, she resisted the urge to tug at her uniform or duck her head. The days of punching reporters were long over. Still, she intended to give them nothing to report.

She'd politely asked to be left alone. Didn't want to meet anyone, sit through a ceremony, be honored, or presented with some meaningless award. She just wanted to enjoy watching her daughter graduate from Alliance Marine Officers Training School. Back in London, her staff had promised to make sure she was left alone. Underlined by the fact that she'd made it an order. Apparently, it was not to be. No one but her daughter even knew she was coming here. So, who told?

They'd had more than a few discussions about her choice of entering the Marines. Two years ago her daughter graduated with highest honors from MIT and completed an advanced degree in military strategy on Palaven. Both her parents approved of those choices. Until the day, their daughter came home talking excitedly about putting her degrees to best use in the Alliance Marines. An unusually long silence followed while her parents had stared at each other in shock.

She should have kept her mouth shut. She should have listened to her husband. Instead, what did come out of her mouth only ensured her daughter's entry into the Marines. She winced at the memory of her words, "You have the best education and opportunities for success. Your desk is covered with letters of invitation to military think tanks and university fellowships. Now, you're telling us, you want to throw it all away by turning yourself into cannon fodder?"

Her daughter's response had hit hard. "Oh, Mom. The only reason those schools want me is because of you and Dad. I want to make my own way in the world. Make my own mark. Just. Like. You. Did."

The consequences of that long-ago conversation placed her here in Quantico Virginia. To watch her daughter, Cadet Vrill Shepard-Vakarian be sworn in as an officer in the Alliance Marines as a second lieutenant.

At a signal from her aide, the admiral skirted the crowd by following him through a short tunnel and down a flight of stairs. They found themselves in a garden located next to a private courtyard. With a nod from the admiral, the aide left to run interference for his boss by making sure no one followed her. It was here that mother and daughter had arranged to meet. Scanning the area, the admiral finally noticed the cadet standing at attention just a few feet away.

Her mother and father knew she was a beautiful girl. Of course, she was. She was their daughter, and represented all the positive and beautiful things that had come out of the adventures and horrors of those years of battling the Reapers.

The doctors had tried to talk her out of allowing the pregnancy to reach full term. She'd politely invited them to go fuck themselves. They warned her she could die and probably of massive hemorrhaging. She replied, if that were so then they'd better get back to their laboratories and figure it out. Her husband had practically begged her not to go through with it. They'd made it through the war, they were together, and that was enough of a miracle for him. He wasn't about to lose her now. She'd given him that look and crossed her arms over her chest. It was a look he'd seen a hundred times before. It was the look that meant, lead, follow, or get the hell out of the way. And so, as he had so many times before, he followed her lead.

And it had led to victory. He held her hand during the birth, helped her remember to breath and cursed himself for getting her pregnant in the first place. All of that was forgotten when they placed that tiny bundle in his rough warrior's hands. The blinking softness of her blue eyes and the strength of her three tiny fingers as they wrapped themselves around her father's heart. They had named her Vrill and cried together at the small miracle in their arms.

Twenty years later, that miracle stood in her dress uniform at rigid attention. Holding her salute until the admiral acknowledged her. Vice Admiral Anne Shepard drew herself to attention and returned her daughter's salute.

"At ease, Cadet," was all she could get out before her arms were full of her daughter.

"Mom! It's so good to see you! How long can you stay? I made dinner reservations for us later. You look fabulous. Then she noticed her mother's silence and tears in her eyes.

"You're thinking of Dad. I know. He's been on my mind this whole week. I wish he could be here too."

Shepard placed her hand over her daughter's heart. "His Spirit is right here with you."

Then they were trying not to cry and be brave, but losing on both counts. A year ago, the day after Vrill had returned from Palaven. Mother and daughter had been out shopping, when Garrus had suffered an aneurysm and died alone in the house. They'd walked into the house laughing and talking. There on the floor, holding a picture of the three of them to his chest, lay the love of her life. Her soulmate and the only man she'd ever allowed into her heart. Gone in the course of a typical afternoon. On a day when the sun had been shining and signs of spring everywhere, the universe had taken him away. She had just a few memories of the days following his death. She knew about only because her daughter had told her they had to sedate her.

Cadet Shepard-Vakarian hugged her mother again, "Mom, I want to join the rest of the cadets now. Will you be okay?"

"Sure. I think I'll take a walk. I'm so proud of you Vrill," she said, touching the angular planes of her daughter's cheek.

"Love you too. See you later. I'll be watching for you."

She watched Vrill walk away with so much pride and happiness she thought her heart might burst. Her daughter was equal parts human and turian. Turian in her three fingered hands and talons. She was tall like her father and instead of a proper turian fringe, she had a flowing mane of her mother's red hair. She had her parent's blue eyes, her mother's fierce determination and her father's warm heart and courage. If there'd been a moment of concern about how Vrill would fit in, it was squashed on her first day of school. Vrill treated everyone with respect, so she expected and got the same from everyone else. With her striking looks and natural leadership abilities, she'd been successful at every goal she'd set for herself.

The courtyard next to the garden belonged to the Commanding Officer of the entire Quantico school complex. His offices overlooked over the patio area. At the moment, while the two women spoke quietly that CO stood silently in the shadows. Waiting patiently for the cadet to withdraw.

Fifty years old, still powerfully built, with a full head of salt and pepper hair. He wore the years and his rank well. He was in better shape than most of his cadets. A fact he made known and considered it part of his charm and reputation. They cadets hated to see him enter the gym. Therefore, going to the gym became one of his favorite pastimes.

When he saw they were alone, Brigadier General James Vega stepped into the sun to make himself known. A grin split his face as he realized he suddenly felt exactly like that green lieutenant who'd been her guard so many years ago.

"I'll have to speak to security. Who the hell allowed the Navy to get in here?"

She whirled toward the familiar sound. There he was walking toward her with the same cocky attitude and just as handsome as ever. Her feet felt stuck to the ground, her mouth opened but nothing came out. As he neared, he started laughing. Oh Spirits, that laugh! Then his arms were around her and he was lifting her up and spinning her around. The last time she had seen him had almost ten years ago at the Normandy's decommissioning ceremony.

Then the two top ranking officers on the entire installation were laughing and hugging and forgetting all about who and where they were. He held her off the ground and she acted like a teenager by hanging on to his neck.

"Hey Lola, let's get out of here before an overachieving cadet catches us out here and tries to ding us for PDA. There are three hours before the ceremonies begin. Don't worry, I'll make sure you get a good seat."

He led her up a flight of stairs and down a short hallway. The buildings were old and the gardens below decorated the stucco walls in a rainbow of colors. A spray of purple bougainvillea clung to the wall next to the door he opened for her.

"This is my private office. No one is allowed in here so we won't be disturbed."

Inside worn leather furniture occupied on the side of the long room while a desk and small conference table stood on the other. The room was intensely masculine and yet very welcoming. The admiral came to a stop in front of a small weapons display.

"Some things never change, Lola. Right?" he said with a grin, leading her to the couch.

He sat down next to her and took her hands. "Admiral, I don't want anything to take that smile off your face, but I want to say this. I was so very sorry to hear about Garrus' death. He was the best and the bravest of us."

"Thank you, James. He was , and I miss him."

"I know you've been busy. I keep up with your career." Vega squeezed her hands.

"Well, I'm ashamed to say that I haven't kept up with any of you."

He waved her comment away. "You've been busy rebuilding London and raising that girl of yours. I've seen her student records and I've seen her in action. She's a force of nature. She will make an excellent officer.

"I'm so proud of her. I didn't know you were here. Does she know who you are?"

"No. This place is so big. It was easy to keep my early career quiet." Vega poured them each a cup of coffee and returned to the couch. "So much time has passed. These cadets are thinking of other things. They grew up in a galaxy at peace. Although I make sure your reports on the Collector's and The Reapers are part of their mandatory reading curriculum."

For several moments, it was still and quiet as they sipped their coffee. Shepard reached over and put her hand over his. It took him by surprise and he had to resist his reaction to turn his hand to grasp her's. He remembered her strong and capable hands. He didn't have to look up to remember every single detail of her appearance. Always too thin, she could confound her enemies with her petite frame and get close enough to rip them apart. They always underestimated her and she always used it to her advantage.

Their lives were so full of death and violence in those days. She was fifty-three years old now and still straight and strong as she'd been in those days on the Normandy. Her hair wasn't long anymore, but cut in a spiky style which highlighted the strong bones of her face. But it's her eyes which reflect the years. When she glances at him, he catches a glimpse of sadness and stress. But around her eyes are the laugh lines of a woman who has also known happiness.

Of its own accord, his hand turned and she didn't pull away. Of course, he'd been in love with her. The entire crew had loved her. It was Garrus who found his way to her side. At first, he'd been jealous as hell. Then as he learned to fit in and earned his place on her team he'd been content just to be part of it all. He laughed quietly as he remembered those early days.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Me, flirting with you. I was such a kid."

"A handsome kid and fearsome marine."

"Well, maybe then. But hey, fifty is the new thirty, right?"

"If that's true then what were we on the Normandy? Grade school children?"

"We needed to be; otherwise we might have questioned just what kind of crazy mess we'd charged into."

"What about you, James? Kids? A wife? Someone special?"

She watched him close his eyes and walk away. Turning his back to her, he stared out the window.

"James, I'm sorry. I didn't know. Tell me if you want to."

"You have nothing to apologize for. Ever." In two long strides, he was back at her side. The emotions played out across his face. She recognized that look. It was grief, a familiar companion this last year.

"Her name was Maria. She had black hair and dark eyes. She reminded me of you. Which probably wasn't a good thing. But, at the time I needed… I think she knew something wasn't right. Then one day, she'd taken the public transportation. I always made her take the air car. But that day I was late for a meeting , and she had a doctor's appointment in the city. Didn't even question why she didn't go to the docs on base. It was until I got home that night…. Late as usual. The police were waiting for me. The Airbus had crashed… I remember someone asking me a question. It must have been the doctor; "Son, did you know she was pregnant?"

"James, I'm so sorry for your..."

 _¡Dios mío!,_ look at the time. You'd better turn yourself back into Vice Admiral Shepard. We need to take our places. I would be honored if you would join me on the podium," he said, offering her his arm.

She was already shaking her head. "I only came here to watch Vrill. This is her day and I'm not stealing her thunder."

"I understand, drawing her arm through his, with a conspiratorial wink. Before he opened the door, he turned back to her and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, Shepard."

"You flirting with me, Vega?"

"Without a doubt, ma'am. Without a doubt."

~0~

"Cadet Vrill Shepard-Vakarian."

In spite of her plan to be tough, tears streamed down her face as Vrill walked across the stage. She felt Vega's presence behind her.

"I know it's not who you're really wishing for. But I'm here for you."

"What is she doing?" Vrill was pulling something from her pocket and whispering something to the Captain. He grinned and nodded.

"Cadet Vakarian you've sworn to uphold and defend the covenants of the Alliance. Do you now accept the responsibility of your new rank as a second lieutenant in the Alliance Marine Corps?"

"Aye sir. I do."

"Then it is my honor to pin this rank to your collar. Ladies and gentlemen, this 0-1 pin I present to the Cadet, originally belonged to her mother, Vice Admiral Shepard. Congratulations, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, sir," Vrill stepped back and saluted the officer. Then executed a perfect facing movement and followed her classmates off the stage.

"A door closes…" Admiral Shepard whispered to herself.

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us." Vegas finished the quote for her.

"Yes, that's it. James, I want… Let's get out of here."

" _Tus deseosson órdenes para mí, mi señora,_" Vega replied gallantly and offered his arm to her.

It was a beautiful day, and he took her back to his private patio. An aide came out and Vega quietly ordered something simple for them to eat and drink.

"I have no regrets," the Admiral commented quietly.

He surreptitiously handed her a glass of lemonade and decided to stay quiet and just listen.

"I loved Garrus. He was everything to me. Just the other day, I realized I could not remember his scent, his touch. It's not fair; I don't want to lose those memories!"

"You haven't lost him. Don't worry. I think - I can't believe I'm giving you advice instead of the other way around – maybe for the first time, you simply remember him now from a different perspective."

"I don't want to let go of him. I can't."

"No one is expecting you to forget him." Vega turned her gently around so he could see her face. Anguish creased her features.

He ached to touch her. "Let me comfort you, _mi señora_."

"James. I'm so glad you're here." His arms encircled her and pulled her against him. He curled himself around her, trying to shut the world out for her for as long as she needed it.

"Mom? Are you back here?" Second Lieutenant Vakarian had come looking for her mother. She's seen her leave with another officer, but the ceremony delayed her from joining her. Rounding the corner she found her mother in the arms of another man. Someone she thought she ought to recognize. However, his face was hidden against her mother's cheek so she couldn't be sure. He was a marine…

"Mother! What are you doing?" Vrill had an authoritative voice, and she knew it. She knew how to use it to get people's attention and how to get what she wanted (Although, it never worked with parents.) Officer's training school had taught her to temper it and use it professionally. But what had just come out of her mouth sounded like a five year-old, complete with foot stomping.

Brigadier General James Vega, Hero of The Battle for Earth, member of the SR-2 Normandy's illustrious crew and decorated war hero, drew himself up to his full height. Keeping one hand on Shepard's arm, locked eyes with the young officer. The effect was immediate.

Her mouth slammed shut and her spine snapped straight. Whatever else she'd been about to say floated harmlessly down to the grass at her feet and died a quiet death.

Shepard composed herself and turned to face her daughter.

Vrill was not a stupid girl, maybe a little spoiled and accustomed to getting what she wanted. Achieving her goals not by manipulating people, but by using her intellect. She was also brave and courageous. These were aspects of her personality she acknowledged. After all, she was her father's daughter.

She was also possessive of what she believed belonged to her. Another trait she shared with her father. In her memory, she'd never seen another man touch her mother. Her parents were always affectionate with each other and with her. Just before her father had died, they had a good talk. Garrus had implored her that if anything happened to him, he needed to know that Vrill would be there for her mother. Vrill had accepted the assignment with all the determination of a good turian and locked it in her heart. Until now.

"Permission to speak, sir"

"Depends on what you have to say."

"I wish, General, to inquire as to my mother's state of mind."

"Your mother?"

"I wish to inquire if Vice Admiral Shepard is alright, SIR."

"James…"

"Be at ease, Lieutenant. Come on over here. I know you know who I am. What you might not know, is that I was a part of your Mom's crew on the Normandy."

"James Vega… The James Vega?"

Shepard and Vega shared a grin as he shrugged his shoulders.

"Spirits… Mom… Admiral, why didn't you tell me?"

"I just found out myself. He's always known you were here."

Tearing her eyes away from the General, she addressed her mother. "Mom, I came to ask you if we can go to dinner tomorrow night. The other guys want to go out and celebrate. Do you mind?"

"Go have fun, Vrill. I'll catch up with you later."

The lieutenant turned to hurry back to her classmates, but stopped herself just time. "May I be dismissed, sir?"

"Carry on, Lieutenant."

* * *

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us. -Alexander Graham Bell

 _Tus deseosson órdenes para mí, mi señora_ – Your wish is my command, my lady.

 

 

 

   
 _Love is lovelier_  
 _The second time around_  
 _Just as wonderful_  
 _With both feet on the ground_

  
_It's that second time you hear_   
_Your love song sung_   
_Makes you think perhaps that love_   
_Like youth, is wasted on the young_

  
_Love's more comfortable_   
_The second time you fall_   
_Like a friendly home_   
_The second time you call_

  
_Who can say_   
_What brought us to this miracle we've found_   
_There are those who'd bet_   
_Love comes but once and yet_

  
_I'm oh so glad we met_   
_The second time around_

The Second Time Around, by Sammy Cahn and Jimmy van Heusen,

sung by Frank Sinatra: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MaPlnftmoRM>

 

 

 _When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us_. -Alexander Graham Bell

 _Tus deseosson órdenes para mí, mi señora_ – Your wish is my command, my lady.


	2. Then I Go and Spoil it All...

After Vrill returned to her classmates, Vega broke the silence by asking Shepard were she was staying.

"Seems like your daughter is busy for the evening. Let me take you to dinner."

Vega watched her wrap her arms around her body and look in the direction her daughter had gone. Surprised that she'd even allowed him to comfort her. He wanted very much to hold her again. The old protectiveness rose in him and and this time he didn't intend to fight it. She was here in his world now. If there was grieving still to be done, he would provide the shoulder. If she felt like smiling, it would be his job to give her something to smile about. But first he had something to confess and then she'd have to let him apologize by taking her to dinner. Nothing got in the way of a Marine with a plan and a mission.

"Vice Admiral Shepard?"

She looked back at James. "Yes, Brigader General Vega? I know we're still in our uniforms but why so serious?"

"It's my fault the reporters found out about your arrival."

~o~

The soft lights of the restaraunt cast a glow across her red-gold hair. He could not stop staring at that streak of silver. The shawl she’d worn over the silver halter top had slipped down, baring her shoulders.

Vega, stop staring at her, he reprimanded himself. But in a silvery halter top and diamond earrings she looked so feminine. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her wear jewelry. In years past, he felt her best look was charging bad guys in that black armor with the red trim, minimally accessorized with an M-96 Matlock. Yes, that had always been her hottest look. Never liked that damn N7 Hoodie; covered up way too much.

“James?”

That red dragon armor she liked to wear was also hot. Fit her curves perfectly. Joker had once commented that it was the lucky guy who found the can opener for that sexy tin can. The joke had fallen flat, because Garrus hadn’t known about can openers. Just as well, at that point in their relationship, if Garrus had understood what they were talking about he might have gutted the pilot with swip of his hand.

“General Vega?”

The fire was still there shining out of her sapphire blue eyes. She’d almost single-handedly pulled London back together after the Reaper defeat. Battle weary and grieving, the people of London and the remaining military had initially resisted her leadership. Within a year, the rubble was cleared and the rebuilding begun.

“Hello?”

My Commander Shepard, he mused. In a hoodie, or armor, drooping with fatigue, covered in alien blood, or smelling of smoke and ash, she was sexy and brave and he loved her. Always had and always would.

“LT!”

“Yes, of course, I lo...What? Did you just ask me something?"

“Several times," she replied, hiding her smile behind her wine glass and watching him over the rim.

Vega swallowed hard. “Did I just say something… out loud?”

“I’m not telling. Look, if you’re not planning to finish your steak you can at least dance with me.”

She led the way to the dance floor and when she stopped, he turned around. Grasping her left hand and sliding his arm around her waist. “Shepard… you know what you're asking, right?”

She never could resist teasing him and so with feigned innocence she looked up at him from under her sooty lashes. “Simple side to side, easy tempo, slow dance?”

“Damn you,” he grinned, dragging her body against his.

“James," she whispered, resting her forehead against his chest. "You used to be so brave."

"I know. I know. But it's been such a long time." And they laughed together with the easy camaraderie of two old friends. Holding her in his arms and moving slowly to the easy jazz beat wasn't just better than day dreaming about her, it was also harder. Much harder. Each step brought them closer together. With each note of the jazz piano she relaxed against him. James allowed his hand to spread open over her back. One fingertip daring to touche the bare skin of her shoulder. Tucking his head down to her's he brought their clasped hands together his chin.

  
The lights went down and for the very first time in their acquaintance they are alone. No interruptions, no ship emergencies and no Joker listening in. James moved her expertly through the darkness and away from the other dancers. While Shepard turned her nose into his chest and inhaled deeply. No uniforms or rank to get in the way. Only the fresh masculine scent of him and her cheek against his white dress shirt. Memories flooded her mind. Gorgeous shoulders over a slim waist and hips. Watching, while pretending not to watch, his taunt body hanging from the exercise bar. Humor and courage. Bravado and fierce fighting skills. After twenty years just standing close to him could bring back those memories. She would never get to remember Garrus this way again.

Vega felt her stiffen in his arms and he softened his hold on her immediately. "Lola, stay here with me. At least until the song is over. Don't leave."

"I'm right here." She smiled up at him.

But James could see the shine of emotion in her eyes and the set of her jaw. "Ana, for just a moment more, let it be me."

She was nodding and smiling in response, when the song abruptly ended and the lights came back up. A hand on his shoulder broke the moment. It's one of the managers. "General Vega? The base is looking for you, sir."

Releasing his hold on Shepard, James stepped away and thanked the waiter. With an apologetic glance to his dance partner he reluctantly hurried back to their table.

"I'm sorry."

"You think I don't know what it's like being tethered to a job?" She responded gathering her things. "I'll come with you." And she took his arm.

He wrapped up the call as they climbed in the air car. Vega knows she will ask, so he thinks about how to frame his response. She's watching him expectantly.

"Everything, okay?" She ventured.

Graduation night. Just the kind of night for new lieutenants to drink too much and party too hard. What happened to their evening and the promise of a quiet moment? Vega started the engine and dropped quickly into the evening traffic.

  
"James?"

" _No, Ana, todo lo que no está bien_...I'm sorry. Everything is not okay."

* * *

I know I stand in line until you think you have the time  
To spend an evening with me  
And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance  
You won't be leaving with me  
And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place and have a drink or two  
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you"  
~o~  
I can see it in your eyes  
That you despise the same old lies you heard the night before  
And though it's just a line to you, for me it's true  
And never seemed so right before  
~o~  
I practice every day to find some clever lines to say  
To make the meaning come through  
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late and I'm alone with you  
The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and, oh, the night's so blue  
And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like "I love you"  
~o~  
The time is right, your perfume fills my head, the stars get red and, oh, the night's so blue  
And then I go and spoil it all by sayin' something stupid like "I love you"  
~o~  
I love you  
I love you  
I love you  
Frank and Nancy Sinatra, Something Stupid: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6bOCUOPN0w>  



	3. Take it Nice and Easy

* * *

Shepard stayed silent and watched Vega's strong profile while he spoke to the hospital personnel. After advising the hospital staff they were on their way, he closed the call and laced his fingers through her's.

"There's been an accident, Ana."

"Vrill? Tell me. James?"

"They won't tell me anything over the phone. But she is injured. I'm sorry, I don't know how bad it is."

He'd never seen her panic, and she didn't give in to her anxiety now. But the grip on his hand said it all. Her heartbeat thudded against his palm.

After dropping her off at the front doors and parked the car, Vega ran back to the entrance. He would not allow her to face this alone. Vega caught up with them just as the doctor began speaking.

"Admiral Shepard. It's an honor to meet you, ma'am. I read all about..."

By the wide-eyed look on the doctor's face, it was time to take control of the situation. "Skip the pleasantries, Captain. Report."

The doctor's face went from grinning fan, to shock at being spoken to in that tone, to fear when he realized who stood behind the Admiral. The young captain snapped to attention.

"Yes sir, General Vega. Admiral Shepard your daughter was in an air car accident along with five other cadets. Lieutenant Vakarian was thrown from the vehicle when it crashed into an oncoming car. There's head trauma. She's in an induced coma until the brain swelling subsides. Two of the cadets died in the crash - I'm sorry, General - the remaining two have just scrapes and bruising."

"I want to see her. Where is she?"

"Ma'am, I'd rather you wait until morning. I need her to sleep now, and your presence might disturb her."

"I will see my daughter, Captain." She responded quietly in the same tone she reserved for the Council and the Illusive Man. Vega took a moment feel sorry for the young doctor.

With a quick gesture, the doctor signaled one of the med techs to escort the officers to the ICU.

The corridor seemed to grow longer and darker as the approached the ICU. The only sounds were the monitors beeping and the quiet voices of the staff. The only thing she could accurately identify was Vega's arm through hers.

Laying in a bed located close to the nurses station was the unmistakable form of Vrill. She'd seen many things in her days as an Alliance sailor. Watched crew members die, friends leave, and heartless monsters almost destroy earth. She'd managed to learn to live again after the death of her husband. Nothing prepared her for the sight of her once vibrant daughter still and silent in a hospital bed.

And it took all of those years of experience to remain calm and hold back the scream which threatened to tear itself from her throat. Vega watched her hands grip the side rails until her knuckles whitened. Then she began to tremble so violently the rails begin to shake.

"Lola, let go," he whispered. Just lean back against me. I've got you." As gently as possible, Vega removed her hands from the rail and grasped them tightly in his until Shepard regained control. When the trembling stopped, James spoke again, "That's a beautiful girl you have there. I bet Scars was crazy about her. James laughed quietly and protective as hell."

"He was. Garrus always wanted to hold her and took her everywhere. We didn't know anything about being parents. So...So, we just loved her. James!"

"We promised the docs, we'd let her sleep. Let me take you to your hotel. I'll have a car standing by for you all night. If they call, you can be back her in minutes."

When she nodded in agreement, he stepped back and allowed her to leave the room without hovering over her.

It wasn't far to the Admiral suites. James assisted her out of the car and kept his hand under her elbow until they were inside her room. Shepard walked inside just far enough to allow the door to close behind her then stopped. With an eye on her, James went about the room turning on lights. He turned down the bed for her. He had no illusions about what would happen if he left. She would stand right there, on alert until he found her there tomorrow. So he poured them both a finger of tequila and sat her down on the couch. "Drink."

Vega watched her struggling for composure and his heart went out to her. While he sat across from her on the love seat he battled his own desires to hold and comfort her. This was more than just talking about the old days. The only thing she had left in the world lay in a coma , and there was nothing Shepard could do about it. Inactivity and helplessness were not Shepard's strong points. Then her hand slipped across the cushion toward him palm up. She was in his arms again, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt and her head burrowing into his chest.

"Ana, Mi bella Lola. Take what you need from me."

James whispered those words to her against her cheek. His eyes were closed while he enjoyed the profound contentment of her in his arms and comforting her. So when she began to move and turn her face up to his, he was unaware of her intent until he felt her lips touch his. When he pulled back in surprise, she pulled his head back down.

"Wait, Ana. Wait." He tried to stop her and tried to pull away. She needed his friendship and support, not a make-out session. But she felt to good in his arms. The smooth taste of the tequila warmed her mouth. Far too long since he'd kissed a woman, this woman was pushing herself against him and demanding more. When her tongue touched his he swept his hands under her bottom and laid her back on the couch. Shepard wasted no time and pulled him on top of her body.

He put everything he had into his kisses. He'd loved her forever. Desired her since the first time he watched her kick another marine's ass during a boxing session back on Vancouver. James pulled back for a moment to look at her and instead of meeting his eyes she arched her head back to expose her neck and chest to him.

He should stop this. He should stop right now. Give her a chaste goodnight kiss and walk out the door. That's what Brigadier General Vega would do. But that officer was banished to the shadows. While Lieutenant Vega fueled his body with desire. Filling his gut with need, as his hands clenched around her with ownership.

"James, she whispered into the night. Her voice full of longing and under him she opened her legs , so his hips nudged against her's.

Blood powered through his body, burning a path to his groin. At the contact of his erection against her pubic bone, he pulled the flimsy metal top aside with his teeth. It gave easily she lay bare before him. There was no stopping now, no pulling back, no more chances to be a gentleman. His mouth closed down over her left breast , and she came up off the couch.

She'd forgotten. Completely forgotten what a human's mouth felt like on her skin. James pulled hard at her flesh, and all she could do was wrap her arms around his shoulders and hang on. Something stirred to life in her. Filled her with an ancient longing to feel human skin against human skin. Tears burned tracks down the side of her face as she chanted his name. Shepard's hands began to move frantically over his clothes, plucking and pulling at the fabric. Through a haze of desire, James felt the change in her movements and to his credit James understood her need.

"I want to feel all of you against me!"

Lifting her from the couch, James carried her to the bed and quickly undressed her before he let go of her. When she stood naked in his arms he lifted her again laid gently set her down on the pillows. It didn't take him long to remove his own clothes and settle himself between her legs.

Shepard ground her hips against his her hands spreading across the cheeks of his butt.

"Lola... wait. Let me..."

But she was too fast for him. Shepard tilted her hips and with her legs wrapped around him she pulled him into her body.

He was lost. All the fantasies all the desires coalesced into the moment of their joining and James feels her walls close around him. He belongs to her. There is no other woman for him and there never has been. Just waiting for this moment when he could lose himself in her and finally show her what is in his heart.

"James... now... I need you...James!"

James responds to her call for action and drives himself against her. _"¡Dios mío...Shepard! Te amo... te amo_ "

Sunlight flickers against his closed eyelids and turned his head to avoid the intrusion. Something woke him from a sound sleep. What was it? The sound of a door closing. His eyes snapped open and he scanned the room. Then it all came back to him when he realized he is naked and alone in senior officer billeting.

"Lola?" But is not there and the bathroom door is open. But there is a note written on old fashioned paper on her pillow.

_James, you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you. Thank you for being such a good friend yesterday and last night. Before things become complicated for us, I must return my focus to Vrill. I know you'll understand. Please believe I will never forget our time together. Take care._

_Always, Anne Shepard-Vakarian._

* * *

_Let's take it nice and easy_

_It's gonna be so easy_

_For us to fall in love_

_~o~_

_Hey baby what's your hurry_

_Relax, don't you worry_

_We're gonna fall in love_

_We're on the road to romance_

_That's safe to say_

_But let's make all the stops along the way_

_~o~_

_The problem now of course is_

_To simply hold your horses, to rush would be a crime_

_'Cause nice and easy does it every time_

_Nice and easy does it every time_

_~o~_

_Frank Sinatra, Nice n' Easy_

_youtube: ErC9rPwLB78_


	4. You Make Me Feel So Young

* * *

General Vega stared at the note and waited for the miracle. If he stared at it long enough more words would appear. Words like, meet me for breakfast or call me when you wake up. The hoped for words never appeared. Without them, the note seemed like a dismissal and a goodbye. He crushed the fragile paper in his fist.

Sounds of talking in the hallway jolted him into awareness. A maid pushed a cart down the hallway. People called out a good morning. He glanced at the clock. As the frustration subsided, Brigadier General Vega remembered that he was naked, in a bed located in visiting admiral quarters, his staff car was parked in plain sight , and the only clothes he had to wear were the clothes he had on last night. Then someone tapped on his door.

_"iMierda!"_

"It's the manager. I have something for you."

James noticed the man did not use his rank or name. Slipping on his briefs and throwing on his dress shirt, Vega peered through the peep hole. The man smiled up at him and indicated for him to look at what was in his hands. It was a uniform; his uniform. Behind the manager was a cart loaded with food.

Opening the door slowly, he admitted the man to his room. A retired Marine officer, the man hadn't been around this long without understanding the need for discretion. He quickly and quietly laid out the uniform, uncovered the food and poured a cup of coffee.

"Have a good day, General."

Vega closed the door firmly behind the manager. Had Shepard done this? He hoped so because that meant that she was still thinking about him. Then his phone went off and that hope was extinguished when his aide admitted to arranging it. "Taking care of my General, sir."

"You're the best, Corporal. Remind me on Monday to promote you to First Sergeant."

By the time, he'd eaten, showered, and dressed he still hadn't decided about his next move. Maybe he should just go home?

The restlessness was still there when he arrived. So he hung up his uniform and threw on a comfortable pair of sweats and an old marine t shirt. The pacing began. More than an apartment and less than a house. On two floors with a very private master suite on the main floor and a guest suite upstairs. A fully functional kitchen, an office and workout room filled out the downstairs area.

The apartment was decorated tastefully in earth tones with splashes of red and orange and layered with textures ranging from the Egyptian cotton sheets on his king size bed to the Dobby textured fabric in red and orange pillows on the couch. It was neat and comfortable without being fussy or overly masculine. Deep in thought, James wandered up the stairs.

The loft was open to the downstairs, but all the rooms opened into one another. Including the shared bathroom. It was a very private space. Perfect! Jumping down the stairs on bare feet Vega pulled on his weekend uniform of jeans boots and another t shirt.

The hospital the staff waved him in. He couldn't wait to tell Ana his idea. Okay, Vega, slow down, you're here as a friend nothing more. No flirting. Neither of those promises would be easy to keep because he could still smell her, taste her sweet kisses and the touch of her skin. Hunger. That was it. He was hungry for more of her. But he had to go slow. And there was still the question of why she left this morning without waking him.

Shepard wasn't in Vrill's room. So while he sat and waited, James watched Vrill sleeping. Then unexpectedly she opened her eyes.

"Good morning, Vrill." He tried a smile.

"Why are you here, sir?"

So much for a dazzling Jimmy Vega smile. Probably only worked on human females under the age of twenty-five anyway. "Because your mother and I are friends and I intend to be here if she needs me."

"We have each other, and we don't need anyone else."

"Lieutenant, your mother has been alone for the past year while you've been in training."

"She had a friend. She has Kaidan."

This was going from bad to awful in just a few sentences. Why is she being so adversarial? He had to confirm, "Kaidan Alenko?"

"Of course."

"I mean your mother no harm and I've given you no reason to be suspicious of me."

"Kaidan is coming to pick us up and take us home," She said again, pointedly. As if she was asking him to leave.

He'd been in a battle of wits with her father long before she was born. He would not be intimated by this remarkable young woman. He had to admire her nerve though. "You seem to have a lot of information for a girl who's been a coma for the last sixteen hours."

"Vrill, you're awake!"

Shepard rushed past James to get to her daughter. Shepard hugged her daughter and Vrill shot a look over her mother's shoulder that was pure Garrus.

"Admiral Shepard, my apologies for intruding. I'll just be on my way."

"Wait. Why are you leaving?"

"Your daughter has told me that Kaidan is coming to take the two of you home. I don't want to intrude."

"What are you talking about? What did she... What did Vrill say to you?"

"Best wishes on your recovery, Lieutenant. Have a safe trip home." As painful as it was, it's time to retreat from the battlefield. He should have been more prepared for this possibility. Last night... So good to see her. So incredible for her to turn to him. He'd grown accustomed to being alone. At least he'd have the memories and those would have to do.

Shepard followed him out, grabbed him by the arm and steered him into a nearby visitor's lounge. Then she pinned him with those fierce blue eyes, "What did she say?"

"There's no need to talk this out, Admiral. It is what it is." Vega shrugged his shoulders. "Last night..."

"What about last night?"

"My take on it? You needed someone. It just happened me who was close by. In fact, I invited you to take what you needed from me."

Shepard jammed her fingers into her hair. "You think...? You are an idiot. Do you really think I would just pick the closest man? That if it had been anyone but you..."

"Vrill indicated that you and Kaidan?"

"Kaidan Alenko doesn't belong in this discussion."

"If he's coming here to take you home. I'm not planning to get in his way and I have no intention watching you with your boyfriend. No... Not even for you."

"How did we go from the possibility that he is coming to pick us up, to boyfriend status?"

"Your daughter..."

"My daughter woke up from a medically induced coma exactly one hour ago. She is almost as protective of me as her father was. She's had to digest the fact that two of her classmates are dead."

"Admiral, I apologize if my presence complicated an already complicated situation. If my weakness caused you added stress..."

"Stop calling me Admiral!"

"Then you tell me what to think. Last night, you took what you needed from me. Hey, I told you to. Practically begged...You left without waking me... Like you were sneaking out."

"Sneaking?"

Her ice-blue eyes glinted with anger. He'd seen that look before and knew what it meant. He had to get out of here before the last shred of his dignity landed at her feet. Clearly, he'd interfered in her life and made a mistake which he could rectify by getting out of her life. Get out now. Go get drunk or work out for as many hours as it took to wipe the last twenty-four hours from his memory.

"Be well, Ana. Be well."

With long strides, James headed for the exit. The doctor had to grab him by the arm just to get his attention.

"Sir?"

"What is it!?"

"General...sir... I have a problem you may be able to help me with."

 

* * *

  
  _You make me feel so young_  
 _You make me feel like spring has sprung_  
 _Every time I see you grin_  
 _I'm such a happy an individual_

  _The moment that you speak_  
 _I want to run and play hide-and-seek_  
 _I want to go and bounce the moon_  
 _Just like a big toy balloon_

  _You and I, we are just like a couple of tots_  
 _Running along the meadow_  
 _Snatching up all those forget-me-nots_  


  _You make me feel so young_  
 _You make me feel there are songs to be sung_  
 _Bells to be rung and a wonderful spring to be sprung_  
  
  _And even when I'm old and gray_  
 _I'm gonna feel the way I do today_  
 _'Cause you make me feel so young_  
  
  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuI3ogcQju


	5. Strangers in the Night

"Love was just a glance away. A warm embracing dance away."

* * *

Admiral Shepard settled her daughter in the back seat of the air car and moved quickly to the passenger seat. She nodded to the corporal they were ready to move out.

"Yes, ma'am. The apartment isn't far away. We'll get your daughter there in no time."

"Thank you, Corporal. Let's keep it to the speed limit.

Vrill's doctor had prescribed thirty days of bed rest. After he vetoed the idea of the Admiral and her daughter traveling all the way back to London, he'd found an alternative arrangement.

In just a few minutes the air car pulled up in front of a large apartment building. While the corporal escorted them up, he pointed out the amenities. There was a pool and a weight room. Out the south entrance was a large garden with walking paths.

"Mom, this is beautiful. A nice change after living in the dorms."

"Yes, Ma'am," he assured the Lieutenant. "And the food is better than the cadet mess hall."

"But you can't tell who owns this apartment?"

"No Admiral. The owner wants me to assure you they aren't very often and won't bother you and please make yourself at home."

By time Shepard finished helping her daughter to bath and get back into bed it was almost midnight. She was exhausted, but as she walked downstairs she thought about how helping Vrill had reminded her when she was little. When a regular schedule of bathing, bedtime and eating were foreign concepts. Her little girl was grown up now. Shepard reminded herself when the doctors released Vrill to active duty, Shepard would go home to an empty house. Although Vrill had been busy with training she did come home to visit regularly. Once assigned to a ship or station she would no longer have that freedom. It might be a year or two before she saw her daughter again.

Maybe she should call Kaidan and invite him over or out for dinner? Shepard took her mug of tea to the couch and curled up with a blanket. Was it wrong to get his hopes up? She was well aware of his feelings toward her, but she never reciprocated. He was a fine officer and a fearless fighter, but he did not ignite the fire in her that Garrus had. Garrus Vakarian the best friend, the fiercest warrior and the sharpest mind. That day when she'd invited him to test her flexibility she'd been damn scared he would turn her down. Then, good-bye friendship. With Garrus, she paid attention to her instincts and it had always worked. She knew he would never approach her so she worked up her courage and tried to make it come off like it could be construed as a joke if he needed a way out.

He hadn't hesitated. Shepard thought his offer to do the research, about how it would all work, the most adorable and romantic thing she'd ever heard. Then later when she'd been trembling before him, he'd shown her his heart.

"...I want something to go right Just once..."

And it had all gone very right. They'd helped each other not be shy and shown each other a side of themselves no one else knew about. They were gentle and patient with each other and when they'd come together any worries about the physical mechanics of their joining proved unfounded. By morning, she knew she was in love and told him so. When the mission tempo increased and it looked as if none of them might survive she'd closed the rest of herself off. It was only when she was alone with Garrus that she allowed herself to take off the mask of command. Could she find that in herself again? Allow someone to get that close again? Love again?

She dozed off with a picture of Garrus in her mind; giving her that look, with his head cocked to the side and blinking those blue eyes of his. The faster they blinked the more frustrated he was with her. In her dream, he tucked the blanket around her feet, and gently removed her reading glasses from her face. How many times had he found her just like this? His long fingers stroked back her hair, It's time to stop grieving, my beloved. Please live. Live for the both of us.

Shepard jolted awake and gasped as she sat up. "Garrus?"

For a second the strange surroundings are disorienting. As her eyes adjust to the darkness the outline of a man takes shape.

"I had a feeling this was your apartment," Shepard commented flopping back down on the cushion.

"Ana, do you think it's possible to love again?"

"For me?"

"Not you specifically. But yeah, maybe. You had the most intense experience."

"A year ago, ten years ago, I would have said no. But after the dream I just had. I think maybe. It would never be the same though."

"Could any two relationships be the same? Different people. Different times and places. I talked to Steve last month. He's married again and very happy. But he told me how different it was from his relationship with Robert. He was glad to have the experience to love again."

"You need to be married, James. You need someone to come home to. You were raised in a family home."

"You don't?"

"I don't know. With Garrus, we'd been through so much. We said goodbye so many times. Sometimes I think we were just afraid to take our eyes off each other."

Shepard shot up from the couch and began to pace the room. "What did I just say...? I didn't mean it that way."

"Chica, of course you didn't. You two were crazy about each other. But there's no way the experience of the war didn't color your relationship. People come together for different reasons at different times to fulfill different needs."

"How'd you get so smart, LT?"

"Too many late night conversations with Jose Cuervo."

Shepard landed back on the couch and shoved her fingers through her hair. "My late night date is Laphroig single malt."

"Would you like a drink?"

"Only if you're having one."

James poured them each two fingers and handed the scotch to Shepard.

"I promised myself I'd stay out of your way and now I'm having a drink with you. I interrupted your sleep. I'll just take this to my room. Good night, Admiral."

"I was dreaming."

James stopped and waited. In spite of good intentions and the promise he'd made to himself, he'd created another situation where he could be close to her. "You were talking in your sleep." Then added quickly, "Nothing I could understand."

"James. The other night. I want you to understand something. Take it as a first step if you wish. I wanted to make love with you, not because you were simply available, but because it was you."

"I appreciate you telling me that."

"You really don't know do you? How could you know. I'll be right back."

Shepard came back downstairs with something in her hand. He couldn't make it out in the gloom of the room back-lite through the windows. When she sat down next to him on the couch she kept it hidden in the cushions.

"I'm about to admit something to you that...well, never imagined I'd see you again. So there's no real words to go with this confession."

"You have my complete attention, ma'am."

With a small flourish Shepard spread the piece of material out and spread it over James's legs. She watched James set his drink down and touch the fabric with his fingertips. Then she fled to the windows and took a deep sip of her drink.

"Shepard...?"

And then he started laughing.

Shepard waited for him to stop. "Something funny?"

"Hell yes. Where did you find this?"

"You left it on a weight bench."

"So you noticed the dog tags pinned to the inside."

"Of course, that's how I knew it was yours.

"Ana, Alenko took great pleasure in dinging the hell out of me during a uniform inspection for not having a full uniform issue and my dog tags. I looked all over the ship for this shirt. I actually had to defend that reprimand at my Major's promotion board."

He joined her at the windows. "Assuming you didn't steal it just to torture me, why did you take it and more importantly why do you still have it-what would it be now-twenty-two years later?"

"It was childish of me."

"You were many things in those days, Ana. Childish wasn't one of them."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Strangers in the Night: watch?v=-wrgcEhu5o8

www.cuervo.com

www.laphroaig.com


	6. The Second Time Around

AN: If I managed to get you to listen to Frank Sinatra. Awesome! There's been no one quite like him. He was the rock star (wild lifestyle included!) of his day. The orchestras he performed and recorded with being the best of their generation.

I included this song, because it's poignant, has dancing and the wonderful incomparable Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Please give it a chance. The first part of the video is from a movie, "The Gay Divorce". Because of the set restrictions they didn't dance. The second half of the video does show them many years later finally dancing to the song. YouTube watch? v=bO0MB4_zKhQ

* * *

Shepard leaned her head against the glass window. "The sun is coming up. What a beautiful view."

"Yes, it is. Ana, tell me. Tell me to go away or stay. I can live on base until Vrill is released by her doctor."

"James, I have a house in London. A home full of twenty years of memories. I have a job, responsibilities, a life. And it will be empty when I get there. What would you do or where would you go if you could just do anything you wanted?"

"Lola, I'd put you in my pocket and take you someplace where no matter where you looked the view would give you something to smile about. That's what I would do."

Shepard set her drink down and turned her face back to the window. The room was filling with light so James saw the look on her face when she said, "Sounds interesting."

"Sounds interesting? He repeated, squashing the sudden impulse to throw the glass against the window. "Well, that puts me in my place. Look Admiral, since you're obviously about to walk out of my life, may I at least know why you kept that damn shirt?"

"I kept it because. James, please don't be angry. Just listen. I kept it because when I was at my lowest. When everything I valued was taken away from me as if it meant nothing. There was a lieutenant who treated me with respect and made me laugh and took care of me.

When I discovered my crew was scattered around the galaxy, as if... As if they'd just walked away. There you were, treating me as if my cell was the Normandy and nothing had changed. When I began to face the fact that maybe none of it had meant anything. That's a soldier's life. Right? We did our job. We accomplished our mission and we moved on. You were still there.

Then, you were part of my crew. I was happy and proud to have you on the Normandy. And, very proud to have you at my side. Remember that first day, when you asked me to dance? You bloodied my nose. That's when I realized – that grin on your face – at that exact moment in time – I had fallen in love with you."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why?"

"How could I? What happened between Garrus and me had been set in motion years before you came into the picture. There was so much to do. I couldn't afford the distraction."

He was right behind her now and she turned to grip his arms. "You were never just a second choice. Don't you ever think that. You were simply the love I could never have."

"Ana I'm going to kiss you now. If you don't want me then just say so and I'll go. I'll grab some clothes and go. But if..."

Shepard rose up on her toes and grabbed his face. James backed her against the windows and picked her up in his arms. "Quierda...Lola...mi amor..."

"James put me in your pocket. I want to go with you – Show me that place – want that..."

"Mom?"

A long sigh of frustration flowed out of James. Although he shouldn't have said it and later wished he hadn't. That sigh ended with the words, "That's the last time."

Shepard was pushing herself away from him anyway. Her eyes on her daughter. So James did the only thing he could do and ran up the stairs to assist Vrill. With one arm wrapped around her waist, he assisted her to the couch. For several minutes they stared at each other. James knew the look in those blue turian eyes. Right now whatever human softness might be in them was gone.

James whispered to Vrill, "I know that look, Chica. So if it's a fight you want. Bring it." James stood up and backed away from her.

She never blinked and threw the first punch.

Round one.

"Why are you doing this, Mom? Making out like a couple of teenagers. What are you thinking?"

"We had this discussion, Vrill. Why again? Why now?"

"I miss him just as much as you do. He was taken away from me too. Why do you need anyone else?

"For the same reason you will meet other people and make new friends. Why would you fault your mother for the same thing?" James allowed his frustration to show and Vrill took the bait.

"She doesn't need you and I don't need a new father!"

Locked and loaded, he thought. Ready. Aim. Who said anything about a father? Vega snapped. No, thank you. What I've seen so far is a stubborn selfish turian who thinks it's her job to manage her mother's life. You're an adult Vrill. A lieutenant in the Alliance marines."

– "Don't patronize me. I graduated third in my class here!" She rose to her feet with one hand on the back of the sofa.

"Then act like it," the General shot back. "Why would you deny your mother any happiness she could find?"

"You're planning to take her away from home!"

"What do you expect her to do? Sit in that empty house and wait for the odd day when you come home on leave?"

Finally, Shepard stepped in. Enough was enough.

"I miss my dad."

"Vrill, I miss him too."

Shepard was to busy working up her anger to notice the change in their tone. So she took them by surprise when she lashed out.

"AND I MISS HIM TOO. He was MY husband. And no I won't just sit in that empty house waiting for you to come home, Vrill. That empty house which is still filled with his presence. Waking up to the smell of breakfast cooking. A cup of hot coffee by my bed when I woke up. He was my best friend.

I can still hear him singing to you. Spending endless nights sitting up with you while you cried or when you were ill. Do you know why you were ill so often? Because for a while we couldn't find anything you could eat without getting sick.

We'd thought of everything else, but we hadn't thought of food. I couldn't nurse you. You couldn't eat Dextro protein. You almost died. Every day, you lost a little more weight. Every day, you lost ground. Your plates became soft and you could hardly open your eyes."

Shepard was openly weeping now. The harshness of her words softened by the memories. Longing to comfort her, James stayed where he was. This needed to be said and Vrill needed to understand.

"Then after days of experimenting, Garrus hit on the right combination of formula and Dextro protein. You were so hungry. You put on weight every day and pretty soon you were smiling at us and grasping things and sitting up. So I think we did a damn-fine job of raising you. If you don't mind, I think I'D LIKE A BREAK!"

Across the room, Vrill sank back down into the cushions. Her voice came out raspy and filled with emotion, "I wish I'd know him as an adult."

"Tell me about your father, Vrill." James said softly and holding out his hand to her. After a moment she took it.

"He taught me how to shoot... Behind mom's back. Taught me hand to hand combat. He taught me how to stand up for myself and never waiver from pursuing my goals. We talked many times about what it meant to be a turian."

"That sounds like the Garrus I knew. If you paid attention, he was teaching you something even when he wasn't trying. There I was just a Marine Grunt, but he taught me whatever I asked him about."

"He was like that. A good friend, but when I did something stupid or something he didn't like, he was Dad." Vrill looked up from her hands, "Mom? Remember that time he caught me with that boy in my bedroom?"

Shepard joined them on the couch. "You were just studying. I remember. But he was kind of cute and I know he liked you."

"Dad didn't see it that way. He just stood in the doorway and stared at him. Finally, he said, "'If you ever want to come into my house again all you need to do is get past me. Think you can do that kid?'"

Vrill was doing a fair imitation of her father's voice so they all laughed.

"Sir? I apologize for the things I said to you at the hospital."

"Fair enough. I understand. Vrill, you know, your father and I were more than just shipmates, we were friends. I wasn't assigned to the Normandy as long as your father or the others. But -

\- "Don't try and sugarcoat it, James. You two were incorrigible."

"We might have been a little competitive..."

"A little competitive? They used to park on opposite sides of the mess hall and banter back and forth. Who had the biggest best weapon, kill rate, range, most danger, how many times they saved Commander Shepard's life."

"You knew about that?"

"I knew about everything that went on my ship, LT. What's so funny?"

"You didn't know everything... Tali and Kaidan."

"What?"

"I'm pretty sure they lost track of each other after the battle. But, sí. Tali was a little overwhelmed with all her new responsibilities. And Kaidan was, well you know... A little needy. They turned to each other. They were really cute together and at that moment they were good for each other. Gave him someone to save and she was a good listener and you know how Kaidan needed to talk."

"How did I not know about that?"

"Remember, Ana. You went on every mission. You didn't always take Kaidan or Tali. But, you almost always, took Garrus and me. So that left those two with time to get to know each other."

"Oh Mom! The look on your face."

The tension in the room dissipated and Vrill laid her head on her mother's shoulder.

"General, if two of my classmates come over and stay with me. Would you please take my mother to that place you were talking about? Where she can relax and smile and worry about just herself for once."

"What does your Mom think about that?"

"If she says no, I'm pulling rank on her and ordering her to go."

"I...I have nothing to wear and you need me."

"I'll be fine, Mom. I feel fine. My friends will come over and stay with me. I promise to stay put, but only if you promise to let General Vega get you out of here for the weekend or a week or whatever. We are not about to get into trouble in a General's home. You don't need clothes. Just buy a couple of bikini's you've still got the bod for it, Mom."

~o~

The journey to Chincoteague Island took less than an hour. While James pulled their bags from the ground car, Shepard, wrapping her arms around herself in the cool Fall weather, looked around.

"This is beautiful."

"I come up here as often as I can."

"Is this the hotel?" Looking at the one story bungalow set back amidst the trees. It didn't seem like a hotel. But there was a dock and a boat under a tarp. No parking lot.

"Not exactly. Come on. I'll give you a tour."

"This is your place?" She asked incredulously hurrying to keep up with him.

The house had a central courtyard and garden. On each side of the garden a bedroom opened up onto its own little patio. Inside, the two bedrooms were connected by a kitchen and living area. James was just placing her bags in the second bedroom when she caught up with him.

She stopped.

He stopped in the bedroom doorway.

They just looked at each other.

A grin split his face, he scrubbed a hand over his neck tattoo, "Lola, I can hardly believe you're here."


	7. 'Cause I've Got You Under My Skin

AN: Chincoteague Island is located off the coast of Virginia. I always wanted to go there and watch the pony round up. Since Quantico is pretty close, I decided that's where they'd go for their little getaway. The idea for Shepard stating she could live another one hundred years comes from an in game (Uh? Where else would they have the conversation?) conversation between Male Shepard and Liara. She states she's "only 109, but will live to a 1000 and he makes the comment humans only live to be 150 if they're lucky.

* * *

 

The only thing keeping him from going to her and taking her into his arms was all the years of restraint, maturity and rank he's earned over the last twenty years. So after reining in his pounding heart and racing thoughts, he managed a simple one word question.

"Hungry?"

"Not really. I should call Vrill."

"Ana, you must do what you think is right. But I want to say one thing first and then I will go check on my boat while you talk to your daughter. No matter what happens between us, I will never forget these few moments we've had together. Out of my whole life they… Never mind. I'll be back later."

Shepard watched him walk out the door and flinched when the screen door slammed. Each time she imagined giving in to her feelings for him, guilt over cheating on Garrus overcame her and won out.

She walked into the kitchen to look for makings for tea. As she stood at the counter she felt a presence behind her. Long arms wrapped around her waist and a familiar weight came to rest on top of her head. They had often stood like this just enjoying the reality of being together.

_"He's a good man, beloved. Love him if it will make you happy. You will never lose me. We promised each other. Remember? My Spirit is too strong within you for that to happen. It's time for Vrill to find her own life. You know that. Let it happen now. Live for both of us, beloved."_

Shepard swayed on her feet and someone caught her from behind. She managed to stop herself from calling out his name.

Night had fallen. How long had she been standing at the sink?

"Hey, are you okay? I thought you were going to pass out. I'm glad I walked in when I did. And you've been crying."

"I'm fine. Thanks, James. Really."

"Have you even eaten today?"

"James? Just stand still for a moment. Don't say anything."

She let her hands fall flat on his chest and heard him suck in a breath. Then she slowly moved them up and over his shoulders. Fingers traced the familiar lines of his neck tattoo. She touched his chin and his eyes. His hair was soft and clean. She rubbed her knuckles over the stubble on his cheek. Shepard ran her hands down his muscular arms and clasped his hands in hers. Then she experimentally laid her head on his chest and brought his right hand up to her lips.

After placing a kiss in his palm and closing her fingers over it she turned her gaze up to his. "James, I want to pursue this...us. But I need a little more time."

"This seems a little more real than the other night in your hotel room. Just know, I want it to...I want you," he murmured into her hair.

"Let me make us a quick dinner. It's a beautiful night. You sit on the patio and relax. Take this glass of wine with you." And he quickly pulled the cork on a bottle of good red wine and poured them each a glass. "Go. I'll be out there soon."

As promised he soon joined her with two steaks, salad and garlic bread.

"James, did you know there are horses in your yard."

He could just make them out by the water's edge. A small mare and her colt stood watching them. When James pulled out a chair to sit down, the colt reared up a bit, bouncing on his front legs, .

"Those are actually ponies. Famous ponies, in fact."

"Ponies?"

"Chincoteague ponies from the island of the same name. The island you're on?"

"I'm a city kid and whatever part of me is not a city kid is a spacer's kid. As far as I know or care to know, food like eggs, milk and butter come from the store. There are no horses or ponies or dogs or cats or deer or rabbits in space. What are you laughing at?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. Well, they won't hurt you. So don't be frightened."

"I'm certainly not frightened," she nearly yelled, stabbing a bite of her steak for emphasis.

The mare whinnied and shook her head.

"Is she getting ready to charge us?"

That made James laugh so loud the ponies streamed away into the night. Their full manes and tails flying. The yearling gave a loud squeal as they entered the woods.

Shepard was stunned at the entire spectacle. After shooting a glance at her dinner companion to make sure he wasn't still laughing, she returned her attention to dinner.

"More wine?"

"No thank you. As beautiful as this night is and as much as I'm enjoying your company and the peace and quiet. I'm sorry, but I'm done. You cooked so I'll do the dishes...in the morning. James stood when she stood and he held out his arms to her. She went willingly into them.

"Ana!" Then he pushed her back to arm's length. "Tomorrow I'll show you some beautiful scenery and take you sailing."

"Sailing?" She asked in mock innocence.

They both laughed and James walked her to her bedroom, pushed her in and closed the door.

Shepard spent a restful night wrapped in the Spirit of her Garrus. _When you're ready, beloved. When you're ready._

When she awoke, it was to the sound of birds, fresh coffee and breakfast cooking. In less than five minutes she'd freshened up. Dressed in jeans, tank top and flannel shirt. Her short hair left to its own devices which gave her the look James loved. Her heart pounded as she entered the kitchen. There he stood at the stove, looking far too deliciously boyish for his age.

On the Normandy, she'd always hated catching him unawares like this. She'd always stop and stare at him like a damn teenager.

"I always knew you were there, Lola. I liked it when you stared at me."

"Another Commander Shepard legend goes down in flames."

"And which one might that be?" He asked, setting down the spatula and impaling her with a full on James Vega grin.

"The one where she's not affected by mundane sights like her good looking weapons officer."

He kissed her impetuously on the tip of her nose. "And don't worry, Steve kept your secret."

"But-"

"Shepard, that was twenty years ago. It's just you and me and the killer ponies. Time for breakfast. Patio or inside?"

Breakfast was an idyllic two hours of good coffee, fresh bread, cheese and fruit. James poured her another glass of fresh juice. The wind sang through the pine trees, but only blew hard enough to keep the bugs away. The water reflected the morning sun. And the ponies watched from afar, because it was obvious the new visitor knew nothing about apples or carrots. Perhaps they would watch for a little while longer. You could never tell with these newcomers.

"You're in charge, Commander. We could hike, swim, sail, ride ponies or bicycles or you could put on one of those bikinis and I'll stare at you for a while."

Shepard stopped mid-sip and stared at him over the edge of her glass. While a very becoming blush bloomed in her cheeks.

"Did I just say that out loud?"

When he found himself blushing too, he began a tactical retreat. "I'll get these dishes done. You're still a guest, so no mess duty for you."

"Is that what I am, James. A guest?"

"Ana," with his hands full of dishes, he stopped and turned back and let her see the emotion in his eyes. "You're whatever you want to be. Whatever makes you happy. Just for this little while, let me come along. _Si_?"

Inside the kitchen, James watched her through the window, while he washed up the dishes. He couldn't decide if she were happy or sad. Maybe, just thoughtful? Of course she had a lot on her mind. And maybe he was one of those thoughts. The lake was smooth and calm with just a hint of a breeze. Then he decided he would take her sailing. He'd be busy with the boat so she could relax, look at the scenery and think about whatever she needed to.

He loved that he caught her staring at him this morning. Truthfully, it thrilled him. Still not an ounce of fat on his large frame, but he didn't look exactly as he did twenty years ago. He was a long way from being an old man, but still he wasn't exactly young anymore.

"James?"

How'd she get into the house without him seeing her? He turned and the spatula slipped from his wet soapy hands. A long breath escaped from his lungs and all the blood in his body pooled in his gut. Dios! He was lightheaded.

Standing in the doorway to his kitchen was Commander Shepard, only she wasn't wearing her dragon armor, or that pretty gold top and shawl. She wasn't wearing that flannel shirt either. Which, by the way he thought she looked hot wearing. No, Ana Shepard stood not four feet from him in a black bikini. The black fabric held no other adornment than what was hidden beneath it. With nothing else on but a sarong tied loosely around her hips and sandals on her feet. By the time he found his voice she tucked a towel under her arm and she was walking toward the door and speaking over her shoulder.

"I noticed a lounge chair down on the dock. I think I'll go down and just sit for a while. Keep an eye out for killer ponies, okay?"

"Uh...Okay…"

She was magnificent. The laugh lines around her eyes spoke of her happiness. The light spray of stretch marks on her taut stomach and breasts told of the child she'd born. The gray streak in her hair was the sadness that touched her life. He knew her courage. He'd seen it in action many times. But the courage it took her to step away from the grieving widow and worried Mom was just as real.

He wondered if the day would ever come when he could give full expression to the love he held for her?

Ana Shepard stretched out on the lounge chair and spread the towel over her legs and stomach. No sense getting sunburned. After putting her sunglasses on she opened her book and stared at the page. Her mind was too full of that handsome man in the kitchen. Did he like what he'd seen? She'd been very nervous, but the look on his face had been worth it. Bluff called, James.

Payback might get interesting though. Although she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. She put that out of her mind and allowed her gaze to follow the shoreline. She'd never been to this part of the United States. It was beautiful. She wondered how hot it got in the summer time and did it snow in the winter. Snug in the cabin behind her she didn't think it would be too difficult to bear. The living room boasted a large country fireplace. Two large overstuffed couches flanked the stone facing. Inviting throws and comfortable pillows beckoned. One whole wall was full of books, whose covers begged for attention to while away a snowy afternoon.

Was she ready for this? A quiet life in a country house. She was only fifty-three she could live another hundred years. How would she spend those years? Endlessly toiling away for the Alliance and the Council. Fourteen hour work days ending with a quick dinner in an empty kitchen, then sleep in an empty bed. Then up before dawn to start again.

"No!"

Shepard rolled off the lounge. No, no, no.

And into the arms of James Vega.

"Ana, what is it? Ana?" He set down the two drinks he'd carried down to them and sat her back down. After covering her lap with the towel he knelt in front of her.

" _Chica_ , you're trembling. What is it?"

"I like it when you call me _Chica_. Don't call any other woman that, okay?"

"It's a deal, he promised and meant it. Gripping her two hands in his. "Now tell me what's wrong."

"I-I'm okay. Suddenly got a good look at my future. I didn't like what I saw. What about you? Think you might retire from the military someday."

"Someday, of course. But perhaps unlike you, I'm not a celebrity working in a high profile job. I work eight hours most days . If I want to take a long weekend. I do it. If I want to work over the weekend I can. I love my job there at Quantico. Love working with the young recruits, teaching and training. I don't even mind the boring meetings. Do you know why?"

She shook her head.

"Because you taught me the true definition of what military service meant. You taught me what a great officer looked like. Not just an okay officer, but a great one. I learned from you Ana. I watched you and when we parted ways I took what I learned and put it to use."

"That is the nicest compliment I've ever received. How am I not supposed to fall in love with you?"

"I don't know. And I'm sure not planning on giving you any advice. But you're not actually trying are you? Are you?"

Shepard framed his face with her hands, "No, I'm not. I love being up here with you. I wasn't sure at first. I love the house, the country. Show me more of it, okay?"

"Let's do some easy hiking this afternoon."

"Wait. James? Please know I do lo-"

The sound of a man's voice carrying over the water broke them apart.

"James! How's it going? Who've you got with you there?" Across the water an older man was waving to James. He released Shepard, sliding the towel sereptitiously up over her shoulders.

" _Hola_ , Bob! Good to see you."

"You and that pretty lady come over for dinner. See you about five. Okay? You can't say no, cause you know how the missus would feel if she didn't get to cook for you." Then with a final wave he cranked the small boat motor and headed out into deeper water.

The moment ended with Shepard retrieving her book and sunglasses. "It's getting cool, I think I'll get dressed." She ducked past him and headed to the house. Behind her, James closed his eyes, ground his teeth together and willed his body to silence. It was ultimately impossible, because he'd loved her from afar for too many years and now she was here. Close enough to reach and touch and love. He'd tried to love other women. It never lasted more than a few dates or a month or two. Even a marriage had ended badly. Maria had known he was only going through the motions of loving her. He'd been a good husband of that he had no doubt. But his heart was elsewhere.

"Ana," he said longingly and followed her into the house.

In the remaining hours until dinner time with Bob and his wife, James showed Shepard around the neighborhood. Everyone knew James and he knew everyone else. So they waived and he introduced her. But he never let them know enough of her name to recognize her as Commander Shepard.

"You in the military, too little lady?" and "You stationed over there at Quantico with Jimmy?"

They weren't being nosy just friendly and between the two of them they fielded the questions and had a nice walk. Dinner was meatloaf, mashed potatoes and fresh vegetables. Bob and his wife were chatty and friendly. After the dishes were done, they all took coffee into the living room.

"Thank you so much for the delicious meal. Except for breakfast this morning, I don't remember a better one."

"That's cause I only use the best ingredients. Do you enjoy cooking, Anne?"

Shepard shrugged her shoulders and shot James a warning glance. "No ma'am, I don't. Make tea, coffee I can handle anything else just seems like it takes too much time."

"What about that baby of yours. You prepared food back then didn't you?"

"How did you know I had a child?"

"I got my ways. All grown up I expect?"

"Yes, she just graduated from Marine Officer's training."

"You and your husband must be so proud."

"Yes, he was very proud of her. I wish he could have been there to see her pinning ceremony."

James slipped his hand into hers. While Shepard regained her composure, he explained that her husband died suddenly. James almost lost his own battle with his emotions. It seemed disrespectful to talk about Garrus Vakarian as if he were just someone's dead husband.

Shepard felt him squeeze her fingers. "Let's head back."

Once they were walking he put his arm around her. "I feel as if I need to apologize to you, or to Garrus. He was a great man. And to talk about as if he were just a husband…"

"It get's easier to talk about him. I promise." She laid her head against his shoulder.

"That didn't sound too convincing, _Chica_." He pulled her to a stop next to the water's edge. The moon was just rising over the far mountains. Another beautiful night.

"What if I never get over losing him? Was I that dependant on him? James, I don't want to spend the rest of my life grieving for him."

"Dependant on him? Friendship isn't dependency. A solid partnership isn't dependency. Love…" James grabbed her by the arms and turned her to face him. She couldn't tell if he were angry or upset. "Real love is based on shared experiences and respect, not dependency. It's relying on each other. It's supporting each other. It's family and planning for the future."

"It's loving your woman so well, she's never in doubt of how much he loves you. Ana!"

His mouth molded over her's and he bent her backwards over his arms. Then with one hand in her hair he increased the pressure on her mouth. He would keep kissing her until she fell in love with him. He was done talking. He'd said all that needed to be said.

When he touched her lips with his tongue to ask for entrance she yielded to him and finally relaxed against him. The hot blood surged through him and he pulled her closer.

Her hands found his muscled back and she spread her fingers wide over the strength she felt under his shirt.


	8. There's No You

* * *

_In spring we'll meet again_  
 _We'll kiss and recapture_  
 _The summertime rapture we knew_  
 _And from that day never more will I say_  
 _There's no you_

* * *

 

Shepard felt her feet leave the ground. Her shirt was open and with one arm around her shoulder blades as he pressed her chest into his. With his other hand he held her head still. This was not a gentleman's kiss. This was a kiss pulled from hundreds of dark and lonely nights. When he tried to convince himself he wasn't good enough for her. Or perhaps she wasn't good enough for him. Maybe he should go back to San Diego and find a girl from his neighborhood. His mother and grandmother always had just the right girl in mind for him.

This was a kiss he tried to give to other women. He had tried. There was no metaphor like drowning in this kiss. It was too light a world and much too gentle. This wasn't simple drowning in desire kiss, this was possession. This was claiming ownership. This was waiting for twenty years to show someone how you really felt about them. This was kissing her so thoroughly she was making small sounds in her throat.

And a promise of what was to come when he ground his hips against hers.

She bit down on his lower lip. He only growled and pushed against a nearby pine tree. She bit down harder and that time he let go. Finally he released her with a thundercloud of expression on his face he wiped the blood off his mouth.

"What are you playing at?"

"Planning to take me up against this tree? You were hurting me. Was that really your intention?"

"Hurting you?" The great Commander Shepard? Seemed to me you were giving as good as you were getting." Anger and frustration lashed his words against her like a whip.

She took a swing at him and caught him on the chin with her fist.

But he caught both her arms and jerked her against him.

"Walk away from me. Just walk away! I can never have you. I can never mean more to you than he did. I get it, Lola. We'll never be...be a family." His voice broke and cut into her like plasma. All the anger dissipated and his shoulders sagged.

"Just walk away," as if to himself and did.

She watched him disappear into the night. Shepard found herself alone. Every nerve on fire. Every part of body aching for fulfillment. With a sadness that felt terminal, she replied to the still night air, "I love you."

By the time she'd done some thinking and made it back to the house it was dark. Even the house was dark, except for the lonely porch light and the hall light to her bedroom.

On the quilt lay a bouquet of wildflowers and a note,

The last thing I would ever do is hurt you, and now I have. I've taken my boat out for a couple of days. It will give us both time to cool off. Please continue to make yourself at home. -James

After a shower, Shepard crawled into bed. The house felt so empty and quiet, she thought about getting up and sleeping in his bed. Instead she grabbed a quilt and laid down on the lounge chairs on the patio. The lapping sounds of the water, the quiet sounds of the night animals and the shining stars soon lulled her to sleep.

Two things woke her the next morning, the sun in her eyes and the sound of a stamping hoof. The mare and the colt and two other mares were circled around the chair. All four of them stared at her with watchful placid brown eyes.

Apparently they had decided to give the newcomer a second chance. However, she still wasn't showing signs of bringing them food. So the lead mare snatched the quilt off Shepard and flung it down. Now things will get moving. With ears pricked forward all four ponies waited.

Shepard was backed up against the chair with her feet tucked under her.

"Don't be afraid Admiral. Just show 'em who's boss. They won't hurt you." That was Bob shouting from the road.

"Bob?"

Bob snorted, "Mainlanders got no sense, he commented under his breath. To Shepard he said, "Don't worry, ma'am. I'll get you a few carrots I know where James stores 'em."

In a few second he was back outside. "Now, you gotta show them who's in charge or that lead mare will bully you.

"I'm the goddamn lead mare."

"Yes, ma'am that's what I always thought. So why don't you stand up and get bigger than her. As it is right now you look like food.

Shepard got her feet on the ground and stood up. All four horses took a step back. The mare bounced on her front feet and snorted.

"Do you know who I am? I am Commander Shepard. I've whipped bigger creatures than you sister, so step back."

The mare responded by blowing air out her nose. This time she laid her ears back and flattened her head and neck.

"I said, stand down sailor!"

The colt had enough and he was hiding behind his mother. The lead mare's head bounced up and her ears flicked forward with interest.

"Toe the line cadets. Time for chow."

"That's right. Now you've got their attention. So here you go," he said as he handed the carrots over to her. "She's backed down so give her some respect and feed her first. Open your palm and let her take it right off your hand."

Shepard felt the velvet touch of the mare's nose and the tickle of her mobile lips as she delicately retrieved the carrot.

"So soft."

"Don't keep 'em waiting. They worked hard for their treat."

While the other three munched on their carrots, Shepard realized something. "How did you know I'm an Admiral? We didn't talk about it at your house the other night."

"Those were crazy times. It's no wonder you don't recognize me. And then for a while there we all thought we'd lost you. I was one of your marines, ma'am. He saluted her, "Staff Lieutenant Robert Wesley. Under the command of Major Kaidan Alenko, Marine Battalion, assigned to the SR-2 Normandy. Best assignment I ever had and you were a cracker jack CO, Admiral.

If you don't mind me saying ma'am. I watched you take on a Thresher Maw and single-handedly pull down a Reaper ship. I helped you clear the path for the Hammer Team on earth that day. How is it you're afraid of these little bitty horses?"

"I don't know, she flopped down on a chair. I seem to be afraid of a lot of things these days."

I remember Garrus playing poker with us. He'd beat us every time. He had the best poker face. He'd win all our pay and then go off to bed leaving all his winnings behind for us to keep. He was a good man, Admiral. The best."

"You just had to watch his mandibles. Gave him away every time."

"James is just as good. Admiral, don't fear him too. We could tell how he felt about you even back then. We never teased him about it. He could whip anyone of us. I'll be getting back home now Admiral. You take care."

"Thank you, Bob. Thanks for everything."

The ponies were grazing in the yard now. With their tails swishing contentedly and not at all menacing as they were a few minutes ago. Shepard wrapped her arms around herself and watched the ponies graze.

Alone for three days and two nights. Shepard walked, read, straightened the house and made peace with the thresher maws grazing in the front yard.

She held some good conversations with that lead mare. Once she broke down and the mare dropped her head into Shepard's lap. Shepard gratefully rested her head between the horse's ears and let the tears wash away the grief.

"It's not easy for us is it girl? Always tough, always in charge. I guess someday a young mare will challenge you for your job. Then what? You sit back and watch the grandkids? I wonder if I'll ever have a grandchild... No, I'm not old enough to be a grandmother."

The mare snorted, bobbed her head and went back to dozing in the sun.

On the third night, Shepard had just turned off her light when she heard his footsteps on the walkway outside. She laid there and listened to him shower and then his lights went out.

She wasn't afraid of the horses anymore and she wasn't afraid of what might happen in the next five minutes. She ran a shaky hand through her hair and changed clothes. On bare feet she headed toward the James's room.

James rolled over on his back. Of course he heard her footsteps in the hallway. His door opened. If she had her suitcase in her hands he didn't want to know so he kept his eyes closed. If she thought he was asleep she might just go away. He couldn't face her right now... _cobarde_...coward!

Now she was close enough that he could smell her shower fresh scent. The mattress dipped, but still he didn't look at her.

"James? I waited for you to come back. I understand about that kiss. I practically did the same to you that first night in my hotel room. I don't really want to leave but if that's what you want, okay. But I want to return your shirt."

"Keep the damn thing. It's not a goddamned joke."

Cool fingers touched his face and turned him toward her. "James, look at me. I'm not laughing. But are you sure you don't want the shirt?"

James opened his eyes to the sight of Anne Shepard sitting on the side of his bed with nothing on but a lacy pair of white panties and his marine T-shirt. Her nipples pushed against the fabric. Her green eyes were filled with uncertainty. No, that wasn't it. Her hand landed on his bare chest.

" _Dulce Bebé Jesús_ … what are you doing in here dressed like that?"

"I planned to give you this shirt back, but if you're not interested." Her hand moved over his skin and she pulled her legs up under her. "First, I want to tell you a story. But you have to be very still."

Her hand curved over his right pectoral muscle, Shepard felt the nipple spring to life against her palm.

"Once upon a time there was a young girl who had a mother and a father, but they were always so busy with their careers they did not spare much time for their daughter She often wondered why they even bothered having a child."

Fingertips ghosted over his neck tattoo and followed the design down his neck and across his chest.

"After she got older it occurred to her that the service was where the best family must be. Obviously it was better than home, because her parents were always with their other family."

A fingertip glided around the tanned shell of his ear and she gently tugged his earlobe before continuing on.

"So on the day of her 17 birthday she joined the Alliance Navy."

Shepherd's hand smoothed over the other pectoral slid down over his abs, where she stopped, spreading her fingers wide over the firm muscles.

"She did find the family she was looking for but not the love. She worked hard and did well. Then one day she was inexplicably given command of a beautiful ship and it seemed her life must really be starting because the most amazing people began to enter her life."

Shepard dragged her finger though the soft patch of hair at the apex of his legs, one side and up the other carding her fingers through the soft curls.

His arousal bumped her arm when she reached across his groin. She ignored it and kept going.

James breathed a soft sigh.

"There were people in her life who worked, played and fought at her side. Then suddenly she did find love. So here I am James, it's our turn now. If you want this shirt back you'll have to take it."

Short nails dragged a path up the shaft of his arousal.

In one movement, James pulled her beneath him.

James pressed his hips against the silky scratch of the lacy panties. The fabric of the shirt, which he knew so well against his skin was between them. He could see her nipples straining.

Shepard saw him looking and pressed his mouth down to her breast. The moan that came off of him, shuddered against her and he opened his mouth and pulled her inside fabric and all.

Then he stopped and after kissing her nipple and pushing the fabric down with his nose, he rose up and caught her eyes with his.

"Say it and tell me why. Why now?"

"I've always loved you LT. Always. I had a couple of long conversations with the ponies. I'm ready now, James. I'm not scared any more."

"I won't let you go. You must understand that. But I will love you and show you how much I love you everyday."

"Show me right now, Marine"

"Yes, ma'am"

The sensation of his mouth against the peak of her breast and the fabric of his shirt went beyond arousing. Shepard arched up against his mouth and he slid his arms under the curve of her back. He was soaking the shirt with his kisses and she could feel it sticking to her skin. His fingers slide under the fabric and stroked her bare breast. Then something she'd never experienced before began to rise up in her.

It sang through her veins, rushed over her skin and stole her breath. And just as sank his teeth into the shirt and the aroused flesh beneath, Shepard exploded with an orgasm that took them both by surprise.

"Ana?"

But Shepard wasn't able to speak so she stroked her fingers through his hair while he rested his head on her chest.

"What just happened?" She finally asked.

"Did we discover a new erogenous zone for you?"

"I guess, she chuckled in delight, we did. And since I'm not afraid anymore… her fingers wrapped around him."

His head dropped back to the pillow.

"I'm going to do something I thought about once or twice. You let me know if you like it."

Shepard shifted her position lifted the heavy shaft of his penis to her lips.

"You.. can't...oh!"

"Yes, I can."

She swirled her tongue around the smooth sweet head. He shouted and for a second Shepard thought of the ponies who just ran for safety at that sound.

"Stop."

"No." She sucked lightly before swirling her tongue again. "I outrank you… her hand slid up and her mouth moved down over him...time in service, time in grade, so…"

"Aaaaaaaana. You are so sweet… but you're gonna… Ana!"

She believed him so she slowed down and gently began to explore. She'd pushed so many of these desires away before. He wasn't for her and the timing was wrong and well, that was that. She'd been absolutely green-eyed with jealousy at the apartment that night when she'd watch James and Ashley disappear into one the bedrooms.

And Garrus hand caught her watching. He'd picked her up and carried her into the bedroom. She'd coaxed him into the whirlpool and they loved each other until they finally fell asleep, wrapped in fluffy towels and each other.

James pulled himself to a sitting position.

"Say it again," he laughed. "I sound like a damn kid."

She kissed his mouth to silence him. "I love you, James. I never forgot you."

"This is our time now, Ana."

"Yes. Yes I want that." They embraced each other and he lifted her up and pulled her panties away. Then he set her down on him and she slid slowly down surrounding him.

They kissed like teenagers until neither of them could keep still any more.

"Please, James. Please."

James gently laid her down and moved over her.

* * *

 

Frank Sinatra, There's No You watch?v=16luE0JyQiI


	9. Epilogue

* * *

_All of me, why not take all of me?_  


_Can't you see I'm no good without you?_

_Take my lips I wanna lose them_

_Take my arms I'll never use them_

_Your goodbyes left me_

_with eyes that cry_

_How can I get along without you?_

_You took the part_

_that once was my heart_

  
__So why not take all of me?_ _

* * *

After two weeks, they reluctantly closed up the house on Chincoteague and headed back to Virginia. When they parted they were sure of each other. Although he intended to go with her back to London, responsibilities at work wouldn't allow him the time off. Then he realized she was ready to face the house and the memories on her own. And so, he would let her out of his sight.

When they arrived at his apartment they found a cheerful Vrill cleared for duty. "Mom, I'll meet you at home in another week. I don't have to report to the Bonhomme Richard for thirty days."

And then she was gone and the house was empty. She would close the house. Pack whatever she wanted to bring with her and move to Virginia. The only thing that would take longer than sorting through twenty years of memories was extracting herself from London.

"If you need me just call I can be there in just a couple of hours," he said into her neck as he hugged her goodbye. She clung to him.

Two weeks together gave them the time they needed to lower their guard and give in to their feelings. Shepard felt happier than she had in a long time and James was proud and happy to be at her side.

While she was gone, he would locate a job for her at Quantico. She wanted to try teaching So be it. James knew of several openings and knew who to call for inquiries.

He busied himself with preparations for two months. They spoke every day and talked for hours. They made plans, they laughed and he never tired of hearing her say, 'I love you.'

She would be coming home soon. She'd promised. Then two months turned into three months.

Then a whole weekend went by and they hadn't spoken. When he finally called her on a Wednesday she sounded tired and distracted.

"Ana, is everything okay?"

She brushed him off gently. Assure him of her love and left him with unanswered questions.

At the end of the fourth month he was making plans to go to London. He'd given her space and time. He would not lose her.

To his frustration, it was three more weeks before he could book a flight and work delayed him again.

His coworkers were beginning to notice the change in his behavior. The once open and friendly general who enjoyed spending time with his troops was gone. Even spending time at the gym seemed like too much trouble. So he took to staying at work until late and drinking himself to sleep.

Stuck in the spiraling darkness of unresolved emotions, James felt himself giving up. Nothing pleased him anymore. In his more lucid moments he thought of retiring from service. Maybe he'd go home to California. Or maybe he'd just sign on to a freighter and get back into space. Those freighter captains were always looking for extra muscle.

Late one sunday night, when he'd spent the entire weekend locked inside his apartment getting drunk and not eating. When he finally got to the point where he could sleep he was awakened a few hours later by the steady ringing of the comm unit. At first he knocked it to the floor. Finally, he retrieved it from the floor and managed to mumble something into the mouthpiece.

"Is this Brigadier General James Vega?" A brisk no nonsense voice inquired.

"W-what is it?"

"Sir, I'm calling on behalf of Admiral Anne Shepard. Actually she doesn't know I'm calling you. It's her daughter who asked me to call."

"What's going on? Is s-something wrong with the Admiral? Tell me now." He's sitting up, running his fingers through his hair.

"Yes, sir. She's been hospitalized. Please get here as soon as you can, General. Hurry."

He was wide awake and pulling on clothes before he'd even broke the connection.

Tossing items into a bag he arranged transportation. There would be a transport waiting on the ramp for him and a car is on the way.

By the time the car arrived he finally remembered how cold in London and grabbed a leather jacket on his way out the door.

They were waiting for him at the hospital. He followed them down a long dark hallway and inside another room. After tossing him a gown and mask they lead him into another room which looked like a surgery suite. On the table lay a patient, but he couldn't make additional identification. No one would speak to him or answer his questions.

They simply left him standing there, while the hospital staff was urgently working behind a large surgery drape. James stepped closer to the bed, because he could see a space between the cap and the neck of the gown.

Red hair.

No, no, no, his mind screamed. Unshed tears burned his eyes and his world finally went dark. James had to grab the side of a table to keep himself upright. Too much alcohol, little food and less sleep finally caught up with him.

A startled cry drew his attention back to the draped area.

" _Ana_?" He rasped out of a throat closed with emotions.

Someone called out, "We're losing her again!"

Losing her? He's already lost her, but death as well? Life had just become much too cruel to bear.

A nurse came out from the behind the curtain, moving quickly and carrying something in her hands.

"Here! Take this and clean it up. Come on. Get to work

"But, I don't understand. Why am I here? What is wrong with Anne Shepard? What is this?"

The nurse looked at him in disgust, "Yeah I heard you grunts weren't too bright. General Vega, that's your son."

The nurse snorted her impatience and hurried back behind the curtain

"She's stabilized, a male voice said. Good job everyone. Okay, let's wake her up. Take it slow."

They began stripping off their masks and gowns. No one noticed James standing in a dark corner with a newborn balanced on the palms of his hands.

Then it began to move and was about to roll himself to the floor. Without thinking about it James cuddled the infant to his chest.

"Hey, where do you think you're going? I've got you."

The baby had worked his hands free of the blanket and balled his hands into fists. As he waved them back and forth trying to focus on the new thing in front of him. James bent his head down. Babies smelled so different than anything else in the world. The baby screwed up his face and took a swing.

The tiny fist made contact with the end of his father's nose. A drop of blood fell on the blue blanket and James had to blink his eyes to clear his vision of the stars swimming across his eyes.

"James?" Shepard's sleepy voice called. "Is that you?"

* * *

 

Frank Sinatra, All of Me: watch?v=ZVnFyaRnAD8


End file.
